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Learning to Be Gentle with My Daughter

An evening of studying English with my daughter helped me see how my anxiety had affected her confidence—and why gentle parenting begins with self-acceptance.

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Written on June 26, 2024

Last night, I slept beside my daughter. It was the first time I had done so in the nearly two months since I came home on leave. Although I had kept telling myself that I should do it, I had also kept resisting it—and in fact, I had not managed to do it even once.

Before coming home on leave, I had imagined that I would help her with her studies. But all I did was set a goal for her and then leave her to complete it on her own. Of course, she never completed any of them.

I had studied with her before. But whenever we read her English textbook, I constantly and sternly corrected her pronunciation, while remaining anxious and impatient inside.

Last night, I studied English with her again. This time, I was finally able to accept her completely. I gently taught her the correct pronunciation without using a harsh tone that treated her as if she were stupid. She was finally able to finish reading the lesson with me instead of giving up halfway through.

At that moment, I understood why she had become less and less confident in her studies, and why she had gradually lost interest in learning. In the past, I had constantly put her down and belittled her without ever giving her encouragement. Having lived under that kind of pressure, it was only natural that she found it difficult to enjoy learning.

This realization came from learning to accept myself fully and no longer projecting my own insecurity onto her.

My ability to accept myself owes a great deal to two YouTubers who are very important to me. You opened a window in my life.

I think being able to truly see my daughter is the starting point. From now on, I will begin with the small things in front of me.

LETTERS FROM MOSHANHAI

偶寄山海之间

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